Exhale...a little

Thinking about the last few weeks or even months brings quite a few emotions to the surface. The whole process of selling a home and buying a new one, which includes all of the financial considerations, packing & moving logistics, etc. has been quite overwhelming. Now that we have officially moved, the rush to get everything unpacked and settled with me being about two weeks away from my due date is even more overwhelming. I find myself going from being on the verge of tears (or letting them spill over) to trying to think calming, peaceful thoughts (and saying lots of prayers to feel those things) to trying to focus on what is most important and putting those priorities where they should be - top priorities.
Throughout the last week or two we have received SO much help and I am incredibly thankful for it. For those who really know me, they know that I am very determined and fairly independent, used to doing what I want to do and having the strength and energy to do it. (but also going overboard sometimes). Unfortunately I have not been able to "do whatever I want" and have been struggling with back pain, exhaustion and physical weakness.
I wanted to take a minute to write down some of the thoughts I've had as I've reflected on the elements of this trial I am going through. First of all, when thinking clearly, I realize that this trial I am going through could be a lot worse. Many people have to suffer so much more. I'm thankful that the child growing inside of me that will be born into our family oh so soon is thriving. What a blessing. Second, I KNOW that my Heavenly Father is watching out for me. On our next to last house showing, I was home with both girls by myself and had to hurry and get the house clean (again) and with a very hurt back. I remember being almost out of time and trying to dry and clean the shower (things have to be spotless in my mind), I was at my end. As I was wiping the shower down with a towel, my back throbbing, pains shooting down my leg, I burst into tears and pleaded with my Heavenly Father. I told Him I couldn't do it anymore...that "this" (meaning the moving to a new house) was what we wanted...etc and asked that He please let us do this if it be His will. Within two days I believe, we had three offers. I KNOW that Heavenly Father, while giving me this trial for my own good, was looking after me.
Third, this time has really made me rely on others and ask them for help. I had people come and help me pack, I had people help clean, and lots of willing helpers (family, friends and a few I've never met) to physically move our house full of stuff. This experience has taught me to be grateful and to appreciate the sacrifice of others. I now know how it feels to truly be in need, to feel helpless and to rely on others to help me through. Going forward, I think I'll be more aware of the needs of others and will better understand how I can help them when they are tired, weary or in need of help from another.
Fourth, I'm learning patience. I tend to get these lessons often - still working on it. We purchased a home that is twice the size of our old home but is older and needs some cosmetic work to get it where our old house was - but it has so much potential and so much space (and really isn't nearly as bad as I make it sound - the basement is awesome!) I've been hung up on how much stuff I need to do like paint, put tile in, rid ourselves of the atrocious popcorn ceilings, etc. I'm learning (it's still a struggle I admit) that these things really don't matter, especially right now and that in time we'll have the time, energy and money to take care of these things. I'm learning to focus on what is more important.
I'm learning that Heavenly Father is in control and that I need to trust him. This baby wants to be here. I had a scary situation early on in pregnancy that ended with me having to have surgery at 5 weeks pregnant. The baby has been thriving this whole time and will likely be yet another large baby that my body has been known to produce. I'm so thankful for Heavenly Father's hand in this process. I am looking forward to the birth of our third child, our first son. I know things will continue to be challenging, especially in these weeks to come, but I know that I will be able to handle them.
Lastly, I am SO grateful for my loving, hard-working husband. He might be a little hard to get to know because he isn't the type to want to be the center of attention or to impress people (although he's a bit of a joker), etc...but to the few who really know him, they know how much he loves his family and how NOTHING else comes before them, how dependable he is and how he will see what needs to be done (especially around the house) and will do it. He's been keeping the laundry clean, the dishes washed, food in our pantry and so much more. What a blessing he is.
So as I sit and look around at all of the boxes to be unpacked, painting to be done, and things to organize or get ready...and have absolutely no energy or physical strength to do them (and very little time left), barely able to walk, and with giant "cankles", I try to remember the blessings that I do have. I try to remember that things aren't that bad. I try to remember that I have help...that this too will pass...that there is a lesson or lessons in all of this.
I am going to count my blessings. I am going to persevere and continue to pray for strength and to keep thinking positive thoughts.
I am also going to take a deep breath and...exhale.
All is well.